Something I have been thinking about a lot lately is persistence. As a teacher, I often think about persistence and grit in terms of academics. I hear my students say, “I can’t do this,” so often as a math teacher. The struggle I see occurs when student(s) don’t understand a concept immediately. They sometimes get mad because they want the answer instantly or don’t want to have to put in the work to understand the concept to get the answer. Sometimes they are upset because they think they have to be perfect and not understanding a concept immediately makes them think less of themselves. For some, it has become easier to give up than to put in work and persist. They subscribe to mediocrity. In my classroom, we have a lot of conversations about persistence and struggle. It’s okay to not fully understand a concept the first time you learn it. It’s okay to struggle with the concept and need to work at it. Struggling with math DOES NOT make you a bad math student. It doesn’t make you bad at math. It teaches persistence and grit, two qualities that are very important and biblically based.
I have written about this before in a different blog post in more detail from the perspective above, but today I want to share with you something God recently showed me. One Sunday, during Sunday School, my group was working through its lesson. One of the verses highlighted in the lesson was Romans 12:12-14. “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” After hearing the verse, I thought, “This is the biblical definition of persistence.” I immediately asked myself, “How does this apply in other areas outside of education? How do I persist in faith, in prayer, and in doing good?” I knew instantly that this was something that God wanted me to ponder, especially the portion about persisting in prayer. A couple months ago, I attended a course on prayer through my church in the Philippines via Zoom. I had started to think through persisting in prayer, but I had not finished the conversation with myself and God. I knew I needed to finish it. When I think about persisting in prayer, I think about how I/we stop praying for something when we don’t get an answer immediately. This oftens happens without us realizing what we have done. Right now, there are a couple things I can say that I have somewhat stopped praying for. Most recently this centers around my desire to get married and have kids. I haven’t given up, but I did stop praying. When did I stop praying? I am not exactly sure. Why did I stop praying? Simply because it hurts sometimes. I think I needed a break from the heavy emotions that come with this prayer. Sitting in Sunday School, I realized that I needed to persist in prayer. As the verse says, “Be...faithful in prayer.” God reminded me how important it is to persist in prayer. I think about the battle of Jericho. Imagine what would have happened if the Isrealites had decided that they had done enough. They were not going to complete the walk around the city. Someway and somehow, they would have forfeited the blessing. How many blessings have I/you forfeited because you stopped praying? I take courage from these verses in Matthew 7:7-11. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” God does not always give us what we ask for when we ask for it. Please don’t take this verse out of context. What I hear God telling me when I read this passage is that there are times when you are going to be disappointed. There are times when the answer to a prayer is not going to happen when you want it, and there are times when the answer to a prayer won’t be what you wanted. Keep asking, keep knocking, keep seeking. Persist in prayer. God will show up and bless that. I have started praying for my desire to get married and have my own kids again even though sometimes it is hard. Do I know the outcome and when it will happen? No, but I am trusting God that his plan is perfect and complete. To help myself out, I wrote a specific prayer that I use. I won’t share it here because it is beyond the level of personal that I am willing to share in such an open format like this. If you are looking for a practical step to take though, this is a good one. Write out your specific prayer and pull it out and pray it every day. I think the overall message that I am trying to share is this: don’t stop praying. No matter how disappointed, angry, sad, hurt, etc. you are, don’t stop praying: persist. Romans 12:12-14 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” You might never know the blessing God has for you if you stop praying: persist.
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Last week, as student asked a question after the speaker had finished. How do you keep yourself from negatively dwelling on something that happened? In other words, how do you keep yourself from getting stuck? Not the exact wording, but the same question. I almost answered it last week, but then I decided to wait and give a more complete answer.
Everyone who has had me as their teacher knows that in my classroom I don’t allow phrases like, “That was a stupid mistake” or “I am so stupid. I should have seen that.” In fact, I usually respond with no you aren’t stupid, and how can we change that phrase to make it positive. I do this for two reasons. One is to foster a growth mindset. It’s okay to struggle with something because that is how we truly learn. The second reason is much more personal. Some of you have heard part of my story before and others have not. I am not going to go into all the details. I am just going to give the highlights. In short, I spent a lot of years telling myself that I was worthless. I would never be liked. I wasn’t good enough. I was ugly and fat. There were a lot of events that helped foster my negative self-image. I was not the popular kid in high school. In fact, I was the brainy goodie-two-shoes kid that got dubbed the teacher’s pet by all my classmates. I felt like I was really only liked when my classmates needed help with their homework. My junior year, my parents separated and later divorced. I blamed myself for a while. Things got a little better when I left for college because I got a fresh start. However, I still struggled. After college, I started my first teaching job while my dad’s health started to decline. I eventually became his power of attorney when he entered an assisted living facility and later, a nursing home. He died before I came to Faith Academy almost 4 years ago. Eventually, I began to fall apart. I used to walk around with my arms around my stomach because I felt like I had to hold myself together somehow. I was alone and lost and I felt worthless. I cried out to God a lot, yet I was unwilling to listen to the truth he offered. I listened to every lie that I had ever been told about myself, and I made it truth. I was depressed. I so badly wanted God’s truth, but I just could not see it pertaining to myself. I was stuck in myself. I am not the same person I was a few years ago. God is so gracious. He showed me how to take my thoughts captive and replace them with His truth. You see, how we perceive something is all in the story we tell ourselves, and our stories are often distorted. I identify a lot with Moses. “So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” Do you know what Moses’ response was? “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” He rejected himself before Pharoah could even reject him. Imagine what Moses might have been thinking. “I’m not good enough. There is absolutely no way I can do this. Surely someone else Lord. What if they won’t listen to me?” He finally told God, “I am not a good speaker.” God told him he would help him speak, but even then Moses asked for someone else. Moses told himself he couldn’t do it, so he got stuck simply because he thought he couldn't do it. God had other plans and sent Aaron, Moses’ brother to speak for him (Exodus 3-4 , NLT). I want to give you my “how” of taking our thoughts captive and changing the stories we tell ourselves. In order to do that, I need to first show you some common ways that we deceive ourselves with our thoughts. The first way we distort our thoughts is by jumping to conclusions. We make conclusions about a situation with only some or none of the facts. I often do this when people cancel plans. My thought process is this: My friend canceled our plans again. She must really not like me.” Instead of gathering facts about why she cancelled our plans. Maybe her mom is sick or something unexpected came up. A second way to distort our thoughts is through setting unrealistic expectations for people. Basically, we might get upset because people don’t measure up to the expectations we set for them when, in reality, those expectations are unrealistic and unattainable. Going back to my canceling our get together. I might think, “I always make time for her no matter what, so she must do the same for me.” I’m not allowing for those unexpected things in life that always come. A third way to distort our thoughts is through the use of emotional reasoning. This is the idea that if I feel this way, then it must be true. I might feel rejected by my friend because she had to cancel our get together, which makes me feel not wanted. Therefore, she must not really want to be around me. I mentioned my parents divorce earlier. Just because I felt guilty and thought it was my fault didn’t make it my fault. In fact, it was the results of choices my parents made. The final way that we distort our thoughts that I am going to mention is over personalizing everything. Everything becomes about you, especially the bad things. As a teacher, this one is hard for me. As part of my development as a teacher, I get observed by other teachers and administration. Sometimes I receive feedback that I might not like to hear. Instead of taking it as a growth opportunity, sometimes I see it the observer not really liking me. There are more ways we distort our thoughts that I can mention. However, I shared the ones that I tend to run into. All of these can be extremely damaging because of what we tell ourselves (Aguilar, E., 2018). How do we change the story we tell ourselves? How do we take our thoughts captive and get unstuck? The first step is to recognize the thoughts you are having and connect them to the emotion(s) that they spark. Then ask yourself why you are having those thoughts. Are you like me and feel alone, lost, or worthless? Are you like Moses and feel like you are not good enough? Identify those feelings and figure out what triggers them. What ultimately are the thoughts you are having triggered from? Look for patterns in your habits. My emotions and thoughts are negatively triggered when I am exhausted to my core: emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually spent. The second step, is to talk to someone. I know what this costs because it requires vulnerability. Whether it’s an adult you trust, a counselor, a friend, or a family member, you need to talk to someone. Putting voice to your negative thoughts and feelings about who you are or a situation you are going through allows you to truly be able to find perspective. It was not until I was honest with myself and God and I talked to a friend about where I was at that was I able to start to heal. It allowed me to begin to accept the truth I already knew. The truth I now cling to is Psalm 139. I have already said it, but it’s worth repeating. It takes being vulnerable with God. He already knows, but he is the one that can truly heal. He sets us free. The final bit of advice I have is that it takes cultivating habits that help you in each moment. There are still days when I struggle with negative thoughts about myself and let the lies take hold, especially when I am extremely tired as I mentioned before. What habits or coping mechanisms have I put in place to help me? I journal. I get it all out, and then I turn it into a prayer and I seek the truth. I go through the story I am telling myself and replace that distorted view with God’s truth. In these moments I always read Psalms 139. I might also read ephesians, philippians, as well as Psalm 142. (I am putting the words to Psalm 139 at the end for you to read.) Other times, I worship or I pray. Ultimately my goal is to fill my mind so full of God’s words and truth that there is no room for anything else. If I am still struggling after this, I find a friend and talk. What are your triggers? How are you going to learn to cope? No matter what it is...whether it’s something someone said to you, how someone treated you, feeling guilty, feeling worthless, a really bad car accident, the truth is this: God loves you. If you have chosen to follow Him, your identity is in Christ not what you tell yourself or what others tell you. The only truth about you is God’s truth. You have a choice every day to decide what story to tell yourself. What story are you telling yourself: lies or God’s truth? Psalm 139:1-24 NLT O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such Knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand? I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there you hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night - but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it. You wanted me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. References: Aguilar, E. (2018). Onward: Cultivating emotional resilience in educators. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass. Prayer...A Necessity
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AuthorHi! I hope you enjoy my blog as I journey through life in the Philippines as a missionary teacher as well as much more. Archives
November 2019
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